Tell me WHY???

I am not sure why but I am a partially negative person. Not one of those whiny icky negative people. I am one of the quietly negative ones. I don’t project that but it is there. Lying just under my happy as hell surface. As a matter of fact, I think my hub is the only one that really sees that side of me. When things happen in our life, I instantly expect the worst. I don’t dwell on it. I just prepare for it. And sometimes, when I am alone/only with hub, I will verbalize these thoughts.

Take for instance, a phone call that I received yesterday from our Realtor. She called to let me know that there has been no progress in our pending move. Not her fault. Not our fault. I was disappointed when she told me but I am happy that they haven’t kicked our offer back. I was just expecting more. So, I had to deal with the disappointment. I did that by trying to be funny about it. Commented about how we would still be living where we are in a year. Telling Hub that at least we wouldn’t have to worry about pulling our holiday decorations out of storage…things like that. Most call that sarcastic.

At bedtime, I made another equally as negative/sarcastic comment about something else. It prompted Hub to ask me why I was so negative. Honestly, I thought about it. I haven’t had a difficult life. It’s been quite wonderful actually. I don’t recall my parents being that way when I was growing up. Yet still, my brain instantly goes there. There first. Before I can hope for the best.

I really feel that it is my way of coping with all that life tosses my way. I prepare for the worst. Work it all out in my head so that I don’t totally lose it should things be as bad as they can be. I choose to verbalize things that maybe most people don’t. Perhaps that is where the fault is. It’s not that I am actually any more negative than anyone else; I just choose to speak it more often. I don’t consider myself a negative person most days. In fact, I am the one that usually convinces everyone that a change in the plan will all work out ok. I am the one who cheerleads everyone along when the road gets rough. Me.

Now, how do I keep my brain from thinking that the cheerleader is going to be witnessing the mass casualties of them all tripping, falling down and breaking their legs? Because that is where my brain is while I am pushing them all forward. That – while I am mentally counting how many band aids I have in the first aid kit.

Here is to our beginning…again

This week is one of the most exciting for our family. It marks our beginning. Ten years ago this Friday, I relocated to Miami. I left behind my broken self and found the strongest side of who I am. I gave my kids the picture perfect home life complete with a Momma and Daddy who worshiped each other. I suppose the move was all about me. But I did it for my kids as much as for myself. It was positively the best thing that I have ever done. The courage that I needed to take that step is something that I am very proud of. I am also not afraid to admit that I couldn’t have done that without my hub.

We spend the holiday weekend celebrating. We attend parades. We picnic. We play. We watch fireworks. It is the holiday that consumes our family in every possible way. There is no travel stress. No outside factors to influence us. Just our family of 5 doing what we do.

July 3rd. That is the day that I was officially living in Miami. It is also the reason that we chose July 3rd to be married on the following year. It marks our beginning. In more ways than I can count.

Salsa & the Devil Peppers

So…I am at the Farmer’s Market this am. In the rain. I am gathering supplies to make some salsa. Tomatoes, onion, fresh garlic, red and yellow peppers. I have one particular stand where I am a regular. There is normally a guy there that is superbly nice to me. Today, it is his nice lady cousin – not my farm boy boyfriend.

The following convo ensues with Satan woman/the nice lady cousin:
“what chu makey?”
“Salsa.”
To which she cocks her eyebrow. Yes woman, the gringo is making salsa. She smiles and says “Chu need deese.” Points to the peppers that you see above. She then launches into HER version of how to make salsa. I listen intently. She tells me to take just a few of the tiny peppers and add them to my batch. “Por flavor” she says.

I head home and get to chopping and mixing. I save the adorable peppers for the last ingredient so I can accurately taste test. I don’t want this too spicy to enjoy.

As I am chopping the first of the cute little peppers…my eyes begin to water. Not the nice tearing that I get when I chop onions. No. They are running down my face. WITH snot pouring out of my nose. I have at this point chopped ONE. The next one, I decide to do under running water to try to help. Yeah. That didn’t work. My fingers were now on fire and I started having trouble breathing.

I tossed down the Devil Peppers and ran out of the kitchen. Straight into my 13 YO’s room. He would at least know how to dial 911 if I needed them. It took me a good 3 minutes to be able to breathe properly again. Mind you…I. HAVE. NOT. CONSUMED. ANY. PEPPERS.

I washed my hands to try to get the burning to stop. But not before I scratched my eyelid and then my ear and then tried to cover my mouth with my hand so that I could get a breath without the peppers. So…my face is on fire in various places. My eyes are watering. I have snot pouring out of my nose and I am gasping for breath. I am also thinking that there is no way in hell that I am putting these Devil Peppers into my salsa. Nope.

These things are about 2 inches in length. They are a various, pretty red, orange and green. Now, can someone please tell me exactly what kind of peppers they are? I will be calling them Devil Peppers until I get their proper name. I also think I am going to have a hard time trusting anyone named Carmen ever again.

PS – Salsa is fantastic !!!

A New Idea

I have been thinking that I need to breathe a little life back into this place. Spruce things up. Try some new stuff. Well, summer is here so I really don’t feel like starting a cyber work out group. It’s too fucking hot for that. Sooo…I have decided to start a book club. Right here on my blog. I am going to pick the reads. The hope is to get some decent convos happening about a bunch of different types of literature. I love reading. I think its a great way to learn and to relax.

Here is how it’s going to work:
I will post the title of the book we are going to read. Don’t panic. I am not much into frilly mushy sex novels. Nope. No Danielle Steele here. I like adventure and plot twists. Books that pull ya in and that make you not want to put them down. Guys and Gals are welcome to participate. We will have about a month to read the entire book. I figure that will be long enough for even the slow readers. I will be posting discussion topics about our title throughout the month. With the final “meeting” being posted on the specified date. After we are finished, I will give us about a week off before we start the next one.

Most of the books that I am going to suggest can be found at your local libraries or you can purchase them at places like Target and Walmart. I encourage everyone to check out the various used book shops in their areas as well as Book Swaps. Used books are one of my favorite things.

So…for July, we are going to read Almost Moon by Alice Seabold. I loved reading Lovely Bones and I hope that I love this one equally as much. Get on the stick if you are going to participate. I am looking forward to hearing all of your comments about this novel. The big discussion will take place on July 27 right here on the blog.

It has arrived

I am not sure why it is so damned hot in Florida this year but, it is. Today, the heat index was 104. I am not complaining. Just stating a fact. It was fucking hot. It’s hazy. It’s balmy. And I am so glad that I have a pool in my back yard. It is currently the only thing that is keeping me from wanting to spork anyone.
Summer is officially here. Really. Take my word for it.