Mysteries and other shit that makes me think

National Solution #563

Another e-coli outbreak. It is affecting 11 states so far. They have found the source – a meat packing plant. Big surprise, I know. The media is offering a solution to keep people safe. They are telling people to cook that beef to an internal temp of 160 degrees. I have another solution for ya [...]

Another e-coli outbreak. It is affecting 11 states so far. They have found the source – a meat packing plant. Big surprise, I know. The media is offering a solution to keep people safe. They are telling people to cook that beef to an internal temp of 160 degrees. I have another solution for ya – DON’T EAT MEAT!

This is one of the biggest reasons why I gave that shit up. I saw how the meat is processed. All I can say is “ewwwwwww”. Yup. No worries at my castle.

PS – if ya buy organic veggies, or better yet, grow your own,  there are no worries with all that tainted spinach crap either.

Narrowing it down

I have for the past couple of years, been on some sort of spiritual journey. Seeking something that I can’t put a finger on. Not sure how to explain to anyone what I have been looking for but knowing that I would know when I finally found it. I realized a few nights ago that [...]

I have for the past couple of years, been on some sort of spiritual journey. Seeking something that I can’t put a finger on. Not sure how to explain to anyone what I have been looking for but knowing that I would know when I finally found it. I realized a few nights ago that I have been hunting for peace – acceptance – purpose.

I have spent most of my life trying to fit in somewhere. Trying to be accepted by whomever was present in my life. I sit here on the cusp of my 39th birthday and I have very few friends who I trust or can count on. I know a shit ton of people. Not many that I allow into my life on a more intimate level though. That is my choice because frankly, I just hate other people’s drama. That, and I tend to be walked on like a fucking doormat. This part of me goes back for as long as I can recall. In school, I always felt like an outsider. Not one of the popular kids. I just was. I never felt special. This has carried over into my adult life and ultimately into my relationships. Thankfully, my husband knows me. He found my weaknesses and has helped me to accept them as a part of who I am. He loves me even when I can’t be perfect.

Lately, I have been struggling mostly with my spiritual life however. I have been trying to put a label on myself. So that I could belong. If anyone asks me, I tell them that I am a Wiccan. It made that answer easy to grasp. Rather than a lengthy conversation about how the base of my beliefs is based on some time with a Christian church and study of the bible, studying the history of religion and then coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t comfy with the whole bible being THE answer. Yet, I still don’t feel completely comfy with that title. Wiccan. Honestly, am I really Wiccan? I believe that all things come from the earth. There is a god and goddess responsible for creating this universe. I believe that the best place to worship is under the stars, surrounded by the air, the water, the earth and fire. THAT truly represents the power of creation. I believe in the practice of magick. I also believe that I have been given the gift of being able to practice it. Although, I have no clue where my strengths in THAT journey are yet. So, does this make me a Wiccan? Just because I gave myself that title?

It wasn’t until a few days ago, at the hands of the two men in my life, that I realized that my spiritual struggle is due to this same damned issue I have had with every other part of my life. I needed to find a label for it so that I could be a part of something. Reality is: I don’t need a label. I don’t want a label. I really don’t. I just thought that I did. I am giving up that stupid assed need that I have been holding on to since probably birth. Most of my spiritual beliefs are not of Christian nature but I feel that everyone has the right to their own personal journey. Mine is not right or wrong. Neither is yours- right or wrong. I respect that people are different. I have been challenged because I feel the way that I do. There is no one that can tell me who or what to commune with. There are no guidelines for me on how I should worship or practice because it is MY journey.

I have given myself several titles in my life. Mom. Wife. Friend. Web Designer. Vegetarian. Eco Warrior. Animal Lover. Sexual Deviant. The only one that I am actually worthy of today is – Human. Today, I am taking a step to just be what I am. Human. I feel. I think. I just am. I am cool with that.

So much to say, so little duct tape

The weekend didn’t start out so well for me. Hub and I had a doozie of a disagreement and rode 2.5 hours in the car in silence on Friday. The uglies continued on into Friday evening. We wound up working things out. We are both better because of it but man does it suck to [...]

The weekend didn’t start out so well for me. Hub and I had a doozie of a disagreement and rode 2.5 hours in the car in silence on Friday. The uglies continued on into Friday evening. We wound up working things out. We are both better because of it but man does it suck to fight.

Now, we are both in that Git R Done mode. Wanting to make all this shit that we discussed after we got done being angry happen. Today, it’s been a whirlwind of activity for me. The kids even seem to feel the crazies – which makes our school day OH so enjoyable.

I think that I am going to settle for bullets to summarize:

• I need to find a way to realize that not everyone is like me. They don’t all want to make the world a better place and not everyone enjoys being nice to people. Until I can figure this out, I am going to sit in my own little corner and suck my thumb. It is obvious that I am the minority here. This fact makes me very, very sad.
• I seem to have a disability. I can’t see users when they are walking toward me. Another thing I must work on. Aren’t there special XRay vision super hero glasses that we can reprogram to light up all the pieces of shit on the planet? My hub is brilliant. He could totally make it happen for me.
• Why is my way of dealing with things weird? I mean, it works for me. Works for my hub and kiddos. So why do people feel that it’s necessary to try to make me feel like a freak because my way isn’t necessarily their way? Maybe I am the only one doing it correctly.
• I am wondering why when you are having a bad day/moment, that others feel the need to add pressure to your life. You know, you sit there screaming out for someone to just fucking hug you so you can not feel like hell, and they let you know that if you don’t get over it, they are cancelling the party. Really? Please, step on me in my fragile state. I think I need more of THAT.
• Has anyone else noticed how crazy life gets when you are trying to simplify it…just so you can find time to do the things you REALLY want to be doing? Yeah. me either.

Oh and ….even with the stained and leaking roof that my piece of shit landlord keeps making excuses to not fix, being home feels fabulous sometimes.

Is it Monday? It must be

The day after Labor Day. I feel…hung over. Severely hung over. The funny thing is: I didn’t drink all weekend long. Maybe I should have. Right now, at least I would have some excuse for feeling like the piece of ass that I feel like.
I hope after a good night of sleep and some [...]

The day after Labor Day. I feel…hung over. Severely hung over. The funny thing is: I didn’t drink all weekend long. Maybe I should have. Right now, at least I would have some excuse for feeling like the piece of ass that I feel like.

I hope after a good night of sleep and some peace and quiet that I will feel like the energetic and happy Queenie that I usually am. If not, feel free to shoot me.

Coffee Anyone?

I read today about a group of people who get together on a regular basis to have what they call “Parlor Talks”. The concept is that there is an open invitation and a set topic for discussion. Anyone who wants to join in the fun can attend. I do basically the same thing with my [...]

I read today about a group of people who get together on a regular basis to have what they call “Parlor Talks”. The concept is that there is an open invitation and a set topic for discussion. Anyone who wants to join in the fun can attend. I do basically the same thing with my ladies group already once per week with a conference call. But, the site got me thinking that THIS sounded like a fabulous idea. Imagine, getting together with other people who actually liked kicking back and having an intelligent conversation???

I totally think I am going to follow up on this concept. See if I can get something similar going here in the Magic City. Should I limit it to women? So many possibilities. It should lead to some interesting blog moments too.