Letter to my Mom

You walked in the door yesterday and uttered the words to the kids as you hugged them. “I haven’t seen you guys in almost a month.” You were right mom. It has been that long. We are a busy bunch over here. Lots happening daily in the Miami house. I think you don’t realize that sometimes. Maybe it’s because I don’t depend on you as much as I used to. I would think that you would be a proud parent. Proud of the fact that your baby is standing firmly on her feet. Proud that she has her own family that is happy and healthy. Proud that she has great friends and an amazing husband. Life is good here. Except for the fact that you left here tonight so you could get home to watch a soccer game. Something that you do almost every weekend. Something that is a normal thing for you. You choose over and extra day with us. I am frustrated. Why is it that you feel so obligated to be there? I am almost certain that if my sister reads this entry, it will turn into a major fiasco. I will be blamed for being selfish. I don’t care. I am emptying my head so that I can enjoy my family for the remainder of my weekend. I do not think I am selfish. I also don’t think that I am being unreasonable in the least. We get you for 24 hours a month. That kind of sucks.

Why have you been to only 2 of our kid’s events? Yet life stops for a soccer game with you? When we come to visit you, our lives are even required to revolve around it or we are the bad guys. It’s not a competition, its supposed to be about love and support. Do you have any idea how much I hate setting field side and listening to all of the parental bs that happens at those games? I think I would almost rather go through child birth again. We go to the games for Dakota. He calls, we go. End of story. Do ya have any clue how many of our tkd events that my family has been to? Yeah…its almost too pathetic to mention. I just don’t get it.

I have a son who has worked his ass off for 2 1/2 years to obtain a goal. He is struggling with nerves. He is proud of himself but not nearly as proud as J and I are of him.  Yet, it’s not a big deal in your eyes. I don’t think you even mentioned it once to him in the day that you were here, this weekend. Do you not have a clue what a big deal this is to him? I am guessing its because Austin chooses to act goofy and laugh at life that you think its not a major thing for him. Maybe because you think it came easy to him. It didn’t. I promise you that.

I am hurt. I am frustrated. I don’t know how to begin this conversation with you in person because I know the outcome. Please know that I do not want a sympathy visit from you. I would however love to have you share in the major part of our lives on occasion. But only when you WANT to be here. Obligated visits suck. Period.

I am glad that I got to visit with you for the 12 hours that we had this weekend. It was fun. I wish it could have been longer. I also wish I could have enjoyed it more. I love you momma.

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